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To Everything there is a Season....
17:11 Nov 11 2011
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Things have been happening SO FAST in my world this year. I have barely been able to catch my breath before the next thing is in motion. Most of the changes have been positive but it has still been change. I have always resisted change on various levels– I liked my routines for the most part.
But I needed something different – and it all started with my 40th birthday almost 8 years ago.
I decided to join some personal dating sites. I met Bill. We dated for six years. We lived more than three hours apart so it was tough making time but we did. When it came crunch time...neither of us would move. He got really stubborn and stopped making time for me and we were apart for more than a year. I grieved, then I got angry, and was beginning to move on and told him I was going to date again. I did. In about a month from the time I started dating again, he called and wanted to move and make things work.
He moved. We gave it a six month trial before he proposed. We were engaged on Christmas. Planned a wedding that turned into a huge event by March. Two weeks after the wedding my father had hip replacement surgery, two weeks after that, my new husband had hemorrhoid surgery.
June brought the death of my father in law. July the loss of employment by my husband and the resignation of myself from a job that I have had for 21 years at the local psych unit. August we began house hunting and by September we had made an offer. All this while planning two huge events – one being a Leadership Retreat in September for area business persons for a group of which I am President. And two being a three day event for Camp Wildcat Civil War Reenactment (I am President) in October. All of this while maintaining a full time job as a professor of social work at the local university.
Now it is the first of November and in four days I will be moved into our new home. I have lived in the same apartment for 21 years. Almost half my life has been there. Although I know we need more space and something that is ours instead of mine, I find myself with some grief issues. My life has changed so drastically and so fast that I miss parts of my old life before August of last year. I look around my apartment and think of the people that have been there and the memories I have of them that were created there. Some of those people are no longer in my life and some are no longer even living.
The apartment has been my refuge from the world and my prison from it as well.
I think if I tried to explain this to anyone I would come off a bit nuts, perhaps I am, but I think in the long run it is perfectly ok to be nostalgic and to both grieve and be excited at the same time. I am human and thus complex in emotions and thought processes. Perhaps the year of change has finally caught up with me and my emotions are too close to the surface to contain. For even as I write this, tears are close and I swallow them back for I do not want to be sad, I want to be happy and greet my new future with open arms. But perhaps I do need to let the tears go, in order be free of the sad to greet the next new. I dunno, I do know, I needed to vent and ears are hard to come by lately with everyone so busy, so this is my venue.
Deep breath........in and out.........I do feel slightly better. But I think I will still give myself time to grieve the old, while embracing the new. As the song goes, “to everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose...turn turn turn”
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COMMENTS
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Vampirewitch39
19:39 Nov 11 2011
I have already started on the boys about your move.... no cussing, use care, DON"T TOUCH ANYTHING MARKED GLASS OR FRAGILE. lol Told them you would tell me if they did ANYTHING wrong. ;)
xxEmaeraldxx
20:36 Nov 11 2011
Life changing circumstances indeed in such a short period that it is bound to be confusing at times. Breath... one day at time babe x
LadyChordewa
20:39 Nov 11 2011
Think of it like this. This is your home, that allows you to do ANYTHING you want to it. As a renter, you had to ask permission to change something. As an Owner, you can do anything.